Fight To Live
by A Mind That Sits Still
Summary: I'm only twenty-five with Colorectal Cancer. I don't know if I have the will to live.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This idea came to me last night. Not so sure I want to start another story or leave this as an one shot for the time being.**

Paula Carlin was in tears, she had been reading her patient's test results past three hours. The older blonde couldn't digest the results herself less alone telling her patient that the test came back positive for colorectal cancer. An older man with gray and black hair knocked on the office door.

P:Come back in a few minutes.

The man went against the doctor's request and opened the door. Paula was about to snap at whomever for disobeying her. She tore her eyes away from the single piece of paper to the man. Whatever she was going to say, died on her tongue. It was her ex husband Arthur Carlin.

AC:Sorry but our son called and told me that you haven't been out of your office in three and half hours.

P:Clay shouldn't of called you. It's just about a patient that I was praying to have some good news to tell her.

Arthur stared at his ex wife for a few minutes. He closed the door and sat down in a supposedly comfortable chair.

AC:Paula, I know you don't just cry over bad news for your patients. Who is she? Is it you?

P:I wish it was me. I cannot tell you who but I can tell you this patient is too young to have this kind of cancer.

AC:Please tell me it is not Spencer.

P:I can assure you it is not our daughter.

Arthur let out a relieved sound but the unnamed patient's identity was still bugging him because Paula was fighting to hold herself together.

AC:OK, if it is not Spencer or anyone from the family, why are you on the urge to breaking down?

Paula's assistant Sarah knocked twice before coming in.

SJ:Sorry to disturb you but Miss Davies is here.

Arthur's eyes grew wide. He knew why Paula was crying now.

P:Thank you Sarah. Just send her in please.

Paula quickly wiped her eyes while Sarah went to get Miss Davies. Arthur was too shocked to say anything.

P:You have to go now but whatever you do, do not tell Spencer anything. It is not our place to tell her that Ashley is back in California or anything. Do I make myself clear?

Arthur gotten the point loud and clear. He left without saying a word. Ashley Davies came in, looking scared to death.

ASH:What is up doc?

Paula gathered herself.

P:I got some not so good news.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thank you guys. I guess I should tell you that this story is going to be some sort of therapy for me. My mom has been battling cancer since 05, Colorectal then it traveled to her lungs in 09, now my family just recently found out it went into her bones. My mom is still fighting.**

**OK, from next chapter and on there would be POVS. **

Paula got up from behind her desk and sat next to the scared Ashley.

ASH: Don't sugar coat it.

Ever since Ashley showed up at Paula's office a month ago, the two became more friendlier towards each other. Paula took a few minutes to gather the words to say. If this was just a patient, she would know what to say but Ashley is not just a patient. Ashley Davies was Spencer's best friend and first love which Paula wouldn't accept the rebellious teen in her daughter's life at the time.

ASH: You're killing me here. Just tell me what is wrong with me.

Paula's doctor-mode finally kicked in.

P: OK, I've got the results from the sample that was taken two weeks ago and unfortunately it is Colorectal cancer.

Ashley just sat there, with a blank stare.

ASH: Doc, care to explain what the fuck Colorectal cancer is?

Paula noticed the old Ashley is making an appearance and she also knew from Spencer's explanation that Ashley uses her attitude to hide her feelings.

P: Colorectal cancer is a type of colon cancer. Basically you have a tumor here in your rectum and the actual medical term is Colorectal.

Ashley's eyes were focused on the spot of the intestinal picture where Paula says the tumor is. Paula decided to wait for the young brunette to digest the news before throwing options for treatment at her.

ASH: Is it curable? Or am I going to die soon?

Paula's heart literally broke at the second question.

P: Ashley please look at me.

ASH: Just answer the questions.

P: OK with treatment and the will to fight, there is high chance you can beat this.

Paula knew she shouldn't of said that like that but she felt Ashley already had a death sentence in her head. Ashley quickly stood up and started to pace.

ASH: My life is not worth to fight for.

P: Ashley Nicole Davies, you better not fucking GIVE UP. THIS PAST MONTH I HAD BEEN LYING TO MY DAUGHTER FOR YOU. LOOK YOU CAN BEAT THIS. I strongly believe if you do everything and I mean everything, you will upper your chances.

Tears finally escaped Ashley's eyes. Both women heard yelling outside of door.

SJ: SPENCER WAIT, YOUR MOM IS BUSY WITH A PATIENT. YOU CAN'T GO IN THERE YET.

SPENCE: DO I LOOK LIKE I CARE? SHE CANCELLED AGAIN.

Spencer opened the door, really to give her mom a piece of her mind. Blue eyes locked with brown eyes.

SJ: Sorry doctor but I tried to stop the crazy blonde.

P: It's ok Sarah. Can you close the door please?

Sarah looked between the patient and her fiance before she walked out. Paula felt sorry for Sarah but she was sort of relieved that her daughter saw Ashley.

SPENCE: You are mom's patient?

Ashley couldn't find the words to say. Spencer still takes her ability to speak.

ASH: I wish I could say no.

She literally fell apart. Before Paula could get to the crying brunette, Spencer got to her and held her like it was the most natural thing in the world. Paula watched as her daughter comforted the brunette.

SPENCE: Ash, please sit down and tell me how in the hell you have my mother as a doctor. She hasn't tried killing you yet?

Ashley actually laughed for the first time since she has been back in California.

P: HEY! I resent that.

She wasn't mad at all, in fact she was loving how her daughter was helping Ashley.

SPENCE: Sorry but we all know how you hated Ashley. So don't act offended. Seriously why are you her doctor? Only thing you know about is...

Something clicked in her head. She took a look at Ashley and then her mom then back to Ashley.

ASH: Spence, I got Colorectal cancer.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Sorry guys, I had a friend edit this and previous chapters. Do you guys prefer to wait to have it edited or fast and unedited? I know I'm not perfect with grammar. I am hoping to finish writing I'm just me nothing special chapter but this story is in front of my mind. Don't worry I am not giving up on IJMNS. Anyways, I should add that Ashley is a year older than Spencer. Also I don't own SON just the plot and non SON characters. I may use Shane and Carmen from the L-Word in the future. On sidenote, there's a ff I'm inlove with. It is called Sunshine by luvmeh8meucan'tchangeme. Thanks T. I really appreciated it.**

_**ASHLEY POV**_

SPENCE: What?

Her eyes were focused onto mine. I started to feel the tears forming again.

ASH: Your mom just confirmed that I have Colorectal cancer.

I broke the eye contact and gave the older blonde 'sorry' look. I know Spencer was going to be pissed when she finds out how long I had been in California without contacting her.

SPENCE: What stage?

Her voice sounded unusual calm. I gave her a confused look. Thank god, Paula finally spoke up.

P: Ashley, do you want Spencer to hear what I was going to say before she rudely came in?

To be honest, I don't know how to answer that. I haven't seen Spencer since the day she pulled my heart out of my chest four years ago. and here she is, looking even more beautiful. Part of me wanted to say no. Spencer has made her choice on the worst day of my life. The day i buried my little sister Kyla next to her boyfriend Aiden.

ASH: If she wants to, frankly I don't care as long as I know what I am in for.

Spencer looked at me like she was trying to read me.

SPENCE: Do you want me to stay or go? Ashley, just say yes or no.

I got up and starting to pace. There was a knock.

SJ: Doctor, there is some crazy woman demanding to speak with you. I tried explaining that you're with a patient but she says she would sue if she doesn't see you. What should I do?

Spencer was looking real guilty. I was a little confused until I saw the ring on her left ring finger. It was the ring that Sarah showed me few weeks ago. My pacing sped up.

P: OK, I will be back. Ashley, calm down before you make a hole in my floor.

SJ: Spencer, my parents couldn't make it either so it would be just us again.

Spencer gott up and physically stopped me from pacing.

SPENCE: Ashley, please stop thinking what you're thinking and Sarah, I need to take a rain check for tonight. I'll explain tomorrow I promise.

P: OK, Sarah can you please take me to this woman? And Spashley, please be here until I get back.

Wait did Paula use our little name from when we were younger? By the look on Spencer's face, she was thinking the same.

SJ: Looks like I got no say in this.

P AND SPENCE: Excuse me?

SJ: Oh nevermind. Let's go doctor so SPASHLEY can talk.

Spencer let me go and turned towards her whatever Sarah is to her.

SPENCE: We will TALK tomorrow and don't expect to call me with that attitude.

ASH: Spencer, go with them. I won't run or anything stupid.

P: Girls, stop. Sarah this is Ashley, Spencer's ex best friend.

Wait WHAT? Before I can say anything, Spencer jumped in.

SPENCE: No mom, don't lie for me. Sarah Ashley is I mean was my first love.

I dropped my head down. This is what I was trying to prevent. I feel lightheaded.

SJ: OK, Lets go Doctor.

With that, she and Paula left. I really starting to feel like I'm going to faint.

SPENCE: Ash, you should sit. You don't look so hot.

I didn't argue and let Spencer guide me to a chair.

ASH: You don't need to stay. Sarah looks upset.

This was not supposed to happen. Spencer was not supposed to know that I was back in California but the universe is against me.

SPENCE: You seem to forget that I know when you are trying to get rid of me.

I just glared at the blonde.

ASH: What do you expect? Having the girl who literally tore my heart into pieces, standing in front of me acting like nothing happened really not on my bucket list.

SPENCE: We were too young. I was only twenty.

ASH: You decided to break up with me after I watched my little sister get buried. Geez thanks. I thought you were smart one. You knew how much I needed YOU BUT YOU BLAMED ME FOR YOUR PARENTS DIVORCE AND DECIDED I WASN'T WORTH IT. AND NOW I HAVE CANCER, YOU CARE. REAL FUCKING LOVELY.

I tried to stand up but everything hit me at once. The stomach pain gotten worst. I can't really eat anything because I can't go to bathroom. My dizziness is from the lack of food. I should of gotten myself checked when I noticed the blood in the toilet five years ago but I put my career and my fiancee first.

SPENCE: Ash, stay sitting down. You don't look good.

I saw Spencer grabbing a cup of water from the water cooler and put a straw in the cup. She looked real freaked now.

ASH: I'm all good.

Yes I just lied but the look on Spencer's face was killing me. She handed the cup to me.

SPENCE: No you're not. Look can we not talk about the past right now? You have cancer Ash. Like it or not, I'm not going to leave you alone even if you hate me. I never stopping caring for you.

ASH: I don't need you to watch me to die.

This was finally going to be said out loud.

ASH: I don't need your pity either. I have cancer that may kill me. Please I'd rather for you to forget that you saw me here and do what you have been doing with your life.

Spencer had tears in her blue eyes. She kneeled in front of me and took a chain off her neck. I remember that necklace.

SPENCE: I'm not going to stay out of your way so you can give up. I am not going to pity you either. I sure as hell wouldn't be able to forget you. I am going to try to get back in your life and be there for you whenever you need me. Remember this necklace?

I smiled some.

ASH: I vaguely remember saving a band geek at the carnival. She was thirteen with braces and huge glasses.

Spencer punched my arm.

ASH: Still abusive I see. Anyway those blue eyes got my attention so I just pulled you behind me before the cheer bitch could throw her cherry Icee on you. Unfortunately I paid the price with the disgusting red stuff on my favorite Baby Spice tee shirt. After you apologized for the tenth time, I decided to treat you to a day of fun. If my memory is correct, you had your eye on my necklace the entire day. So I took it off of my neck and put it on you. Then I told you if you have a bad day. Look at the necklace and think of how much fun you had with me.

SPENCE: You don't have any idea how happy I was to see you on my first day of high school. I wasn't sure you would remember me but when our eyes met, I knew you knew who I was.

She stood up and put the necklace on me. I tried to protest but she was determined.

SPENCE: You need this more than I do right now.

Before I could say anything, Paula came back in looking grim.

P: Ashley I am so sorry to say this but somebody who works here leaked information about you to TMZ.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Soon you will know what really went down between the two girls. Sorry this isn't edited so the mistakes are mine. sorry for long wait.**

ASHLEY POV

ASH: Are they out there?

I pointed towards the window.

P: Yes and they are harassing the patients.

I quickly pulled out my cell and hit three on speed dial.

?: Hello?

ASH: CALL THEM OFF NOW CHRISTINE!

CW: Who?

I can't believe the bitch was playing dumb. Christine Woods is the face of TMZ and unfortunately my mother.

ASH: The leaches outside of LA Center For Women.

CW: Why are you there? I really hope it's not get the bitch's mother in on your plan to get into her daughter's pants.

Something in me snapped and I foolishly punched the arm of the chair little harder than I intended to. My hand began to hurt. Paula rushed to me and begin to excess the damage to my hand. While Spencer was staring at me, knowing what my mom probably had said.

ASH: I just fucking love that you would think that than thinking that your daughter could be sick. Know what, let's make a business deal.

CW: OK I am listening.

Tears were coming down. I refused to look at the two in the room nor let Christine know that I was crying. Of course she had ignored of what I just said but really interested in making a deal. I quickly got myself together.

ASH: If you tell your leaches to say away from anyplace medical that I happen to be at, then I'll give you ten executive interviews without limitations except Kyla.

Damnit my voice broke when I said my sister's name. Sarah suddenly came in.

CW: Spencer subject is unlimited?

I closed my eyes.

ASH: Yes I will talk about my life with Spencer but you can't use her name. I don't want her life to be ruined by the brainless tad toids. Do we have a deal?

CW: I'll have my lawyers to draw up a contract.

ASH: Oh Christine, if any part of what we agree on is missing, I will go to Rolling Stones Magazine and give them the interview. Also if my lawyer finds anything fishy about the contract. I walk. Do I make myself clear?

Christine and my relationship is one where we're horrible to each other but can do business real well.

CW: Let me get this straight, if I keep my guys away from any medical place you're at. You will give TMZ ten interviews with no limitations but Kyla? Oh and change the great Spencer's name? Am I missing anything?

ASH: No you're not missing anything. So do we have a deal?

Paula was looking real torn. I pretty sure I knew what was running through her head. She put an icepack on my injured hand.

CW: Hell yes. There is no way I will pass that up but you need to have a fiction name for your ex.

ASH: OK. Just call Madison Duarte when the contract ready and after she looks over it. We will meet and sign it. Bye

Before she could respond, I hung up. The room was completely silent. Sarah looked pale and Spencer looked sympathetic.

SJ: Did you just said Madison Duarte?

ASH: None of your business. Why did you call? After all of the other appointments, I been here you had to do it today.

Spencer looked like she wanted to defend the green eyed girl but she knew better.

sJ: I have no excuse but I am sorry.

ASH: SORRY? DO YOU REALIZE WHAT YOU JUST DID?

She looked down.

ASH: I have kept the love of my life out of the spotlight eight fucking years. Do you have any idea how hard that is?

Nobody dared to interrupt me.

ASH: No answer? Remember the nameless girl I told you about?

Spencer and Paula both looked real confused.

SJ: Yes.

ASH: Had I ever said I was going to go after her? If I known that we were talking about the same girl, I wouldn't of told you things.

Sarah's green eyes locked onto my eyes. I saw remorse and regret.

SJ: I wasn't thinking. If I would have known about you or that Spencer was the girl. I wouldn't be shocked the way both of you look at each other. I am so sorry.

SPENCE: OK can somebody tell me why does it seems like I'm the outsider? How long have you been back? And why did you make that deal with the evil gold digger?

ASH: I have been back about two months. I walked in here a month ago as a patient so don't be piss at your mom. I didn't want you knowing that I was back. Why? Because frankly I couldn't face you. I made the deal to protect the patients. It is not right.

Spencer flopped into a chair, looking upset.

P: Sarah, we need to have a serious talk after I talk to Ashley about her options. Spencer, I'm not going to apologize for keeping Ashley's secret but I did tried convincing her to see you.

SJ: Yes doctor I know.

The rest faded because I saw Spencer fighting to not cry. I never liked when she cries especially over me. I got up and kneeled in front of the girl who still has my heart.

ASH: Blue Eyes, please look at me.

I kept my voice low due I didn't want the other two to hear. Her eyes stayed focused on her lap.

ASH: I didn't want to pop up back in your life if I was sick. Please try to understand why.

SPENCE: This talk needs to happen but not now. You need to know what is next, Rockstar.

She looked up behind me.

SPENCE: Sarah, I don't know why you did what you did but we are going to talk.

SJ: OK.

ASH: You guys need to have this talk now while I talk to my doc.

I could see the sadness in those blue eyes. I know she wanted to hear what her mom is going to say. Honestly, I'm not ready for Spencer to be in this. Yes I do miss her and all but she seriously hurt me and now she's engaged to another woman. I can't digest that yet. I need to keep my focus on my life not on Spencer.

SPENCE: Where are you staying?

ASH: At the beach house.

Her eyes grew wide with shock but quickly recovered. She got up from the chair and held her hand out for me to get up from the floor. I turned to see a smiling Paula and a frowning Sarah. I watched as Spencer walked towards the attractive woman. She intertwined her hand with Sarah's.

SPENCE: Mom, I'm taking Sarah to the cafeteria for lunch. Do you or Ashley want something?

P: Ask Linda for a utra chocolate ensure milks8hake for Ashley. I will take the normal. Thanks for asking.

Spencer looked really confused. I see her finally noticing how thin I am.

SJ: Come on Spence.

She reluctantly let Sarah pulled her out of her mom's office. I let out a relieved sigh. Paula chuckled some.

P: You know it will get harder.

ASH: What's new? It's the story of my screwed up twenty-five year existance.

P: She has not moved on like you think.

ASH: Enough about Spencer. Tell me what I am in for please.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: OK i gave up having this story edited. I know it probably annoy people but this story is for me to escape. I just found out that my mom has a year and it's tough.**

ASHLEY POV

P: First, how is your hand? You can't be releasing your anger on my metal made chair.

ASH: It is fine.

I didn't mean to sound like a bitch. Paula took a deep breath before removing the ice pack. She made sure that I wasn't lying. I have some bruising nothing big.

P: Why do you let her get to you?

ASH: Don't want to talk about her. Tell me what I'm in for.

P: Well first we have to talk about the operation you had been against from the ghetto.

ASH: Paula, that's real gross.

P: Ashley, you will need a colostomy. You have been losing more weight since the first appointment.

She looked down checking my chart before looking up.

P: Fifteen pounds Ashley. You can't keep denying that it is torture for you.

ASH: And having a bag attach to me isn't?

Paula was losing her patience.

P: It is reversible.

ASH: How do you know? How do you know if I will survive?

p: Before today, I didn't know you have Colorectal cancer. Your colon is damaged and the next step I would've take is get a colostomy because without it I would have serious problems with eating and process the food into bowels like you are having now. Look I'm only doing what is best for you. I don't know shit but I do know if you keep avoiding colostomy then the rest is not worth it because you'll most likely die.

Paula was not holding back. She had been trying talking me in getting the operation done. Truly I'm afraid. My sister had died on a operating table.

P: Ash, I just need you to trust me with this. I promise I'll be there every step of the way even in the operating room.

ASH: Why?

It was a reasonable question. Paula was never nice to me when I was younger.

P: Because if anything happens to you, I wouldn't live with myself. I never made you feel welcomed while you were with my daughter and I realized that it was my fault.

ASH: What do you mean?

P: I was the one that put the idea in Spencer's head that it was you girls' fault.

ASH: Don't dwell on the past . If I get the colostomy done, can I get the chemo port put in?

Paula looked shocked. I guess because she hadn't bring that up yet,

P: Well I can see if it is possible. You are going to have an appointment with the surgeon who did the bioscopy.

i looked down.

ASH: What is next after the port?

P: Before I explain, I need you to look at me. I know what running through your head and it is normal.

ASH: Normal to be scared to death? Which is worse I don't have a family who cares. Christine would be happy if I die.

Paula put down the chart.

P: You always have a place in the Carlin Clan. Just because you and Spencer are not together doesn't mean you are out of the family. I know I am not the person you would believe but when you left, everything got worse. Spencer went into deep depression and Glen couldn't handle seeing Spencer like that so he moved. He claimed it was for the best but we have not heard from him since. Don't get me started with Arthur. He loves you like a daughter.

I slowly lift my head. Her voice was filled with sadness.

ASH: Spencer made her choice on her own. I don't blame you Paula. She was the one who did it.

P: But I'm the reason.

I shook my head no.

ASH: If you were the reason, Spencer would of dumped my ass long before that. Stop blaming yourself for something you played no part of.

It took me a week after Spencer told me that she didn't want to be with me, to stop blaming others. Sure I should of stick around and made Spencer explain why, but I couldn't handle it. First Aiden and Kyla died due to my stupidity then my soulmate broke my heart. I did what anybody would do. Threw myself in work. My manager was so happy that I had nothing left.

P: There is nothing that I can say that will change your mind.

ASH: Nope I had four years to think about it and it is on Spencer. By the way, Glen is OK. he is a Navy Seal now.

I know he would kill me for telling his mom but she deserved to know. The look on her face, I wish my mother would have when she is talking about me. It didn't take too long for Christine telling me that I should be the one six feet under. Kyla was her favorite daughter and me well she did not give a shit about me.

P: Ashley, has Glen kept in touch with you?

ASH: Yes he writes about every two months. I can't tell you much but he's happy at what he has been doing for this country.

P: Yes but he kept it from his family.

ASH: Because he knew you'd try to talking him out of it. He had watched how much pressure you put on Spencer and couldn't handle of the disapproving you would be against him. So he stayed away.

P: It's my fault that my son feels like this.

ASH: Can you really blame him? You're not a bad mother but once you don't agree whatever your kids chose to do, you never let it go. Spence and I had many fights about you. She followed your dream of being in a medical profession instead of following her own dreams.

I should stop talking now because Paula looked upset.

P: What were her dreams?

ASH: To make meaningful films and shows. Paula, you have no idea how much she needed your approval about us but when she didn't. She decided to make you happy by doing almost everything that she knew would make you happy.

P: I am sorry.

ASH: Why are you apologizing to me?

P: Because I literally made your life hell. I just couldn't accept my only daughter being inlove with a girl. In my defense, you weren't going out your way to win me over.

ASH: I already knew I couldn't. You hated me long before Spencer and I were together. I just figured you would see how happy she was but guessing I was wrong.

P: She still loves you.

ASH: Don't. She is engaged to Sarah now.

P: WHAT?

Shit shit shit I guessed they haven't told her yet. Only reason I knew about it because Sarah and I talked a lot. I think she felt sorry for me. I always came alone.

ASH: So back to Colorectal cancer treatment.

Paula's facial features softened.

P: OK, considering it is stage three cancer I'm going to treat this little more aggressive.

Whoa what is she talking about?

ASH: Stage three?

P: There used to be five stages in cancer but now there is four.

Now I am really about to panic.

ASH: OK, is this beatable?

P: With your age and health, I'm ninety percent sure you will defeat this. Look this won't be easy both mentally and physically. I have had patients died rapidly because they mentally gave up. I'm not telling you this to freak you out but you need to know that all the drugs are not enough. Your best chance lies within you. Meaning you have to have a positive outlook. Only you can decide whether give in and let the cancer win or stand up and give the cancer a hell of fight.

That actually put a smile on my face.

ASH: So if I do everything you tell me. I have a greater chance of beating Colorectal cancer. Right?

Paula took a minute before saying a word.

P: Yes. If there any time you feel that I am not giving you the best treatment. Don't hesitate on getting a second opinion. I wouldn't be offended.

We both heard Sarah and Spencer in a bir of argument.

P: I am sorry Ashley. I wish today didn't have to happen like this. Ask Doctor Torres about the chemo port. Once you have it, we can start. Normally I'd discuss what type of chemotherapy you will get but as of now you need to have stuff done before I scare you some more.

Right outside of door, Spencer and Sarah are talking a bit loud so I cannot ignore the two.

SJ: She deserves to know why the fuck you broke her heart.

What the? What are they talking about?

SPENCE: She can't find out. She would kill if she ever found out.

Paula saw the pain on my face and had enough. She quickly got up and opened the door. The shock looks on their faces were priceless.

ASH: Are we done for now? I really need some air.

All three looked at me with sympathetic looks. Right now I need to get the hell away from the one girl that ever got to my heart. Paula gave the two women the famous glare. Sarah walked in and handed me the shake.

P: Yes we are done but Sarah can you call Doctor Torres' office and schedule an emergency appointment for Ashley? Tell them she needs two things done before she can start treatment. They should have the file there.

I could see Sarah's body color drained.

SJ: Yes Doctor Carlin.

ASH: Thanks for the shake.

Before anybody say anything, I quickly got out of there. Ignoring the yells of my name.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Not sure I like this chapter but I guess it'll either make ya'll hate Spencer or slowly understand her. I apologize to the ones who are really patient for an update to I'm just me nothing special. I am trying to work on it. I also apologize that this story has short chapters. I guess I didn't plan to get into this right now. Don't worry there's going to be flashbacks throughout the story because honestly a Spashley without Kyla is hard to write. Where do you all want Ashley to end up? Beach, Arthur's house/Spencer's childhood home or the graveyard. Only things I own are my mistakes and the plot pls Sarah James.**

**Spencer's Pov **

P: Let her be alone.

My mom is holding me back as I watched Ashley left. Once my mom knew that Ashley was gone, she let my arm go.

SPENCE: She shouldn't be alone mom.

Mom had a stern look.

P: Well its not your place to decide what she needs.

I know what she's saying is right but it's Ashley.

P: You can not think after four years without any contact with the broken hearted girl who is still in deep pain would gladly welcome you back in her life.

SPENCE: What the fuck? Since when do you care? Because you threw a fucking party when you found out!

Mom looked real guilty passed me. I turned and saw my fiancee standing in the doorwa y. Can't this day get any worse? I took a deep breath wishing the floor would swallow me up.

SJ: Look you are freaking unbelievable. Besides talking about the secret PAST, think what that girl is going thru. She just found out that she has cancer. Double whammy I messed up by calling TMZ. Triple whammy the girl who appartently broke her heart is engaged to the person she probably viewed as a friend! So Spencer, do Ashley a favor. Stay away from her until she comes to you or you'll make things worse.

P: So it's true you guys are engaged.

Why is her voice unearthly calm? And what did she just said?

SPENCE: Wait, how did you know?

I quickly turned to my mother.

P: Ashley slipped.

My face probably shown I was confused.

SJ: It was me. Ashley always came alone, looking like a lost pitbull. So I thought I should keep her company while she wait for your mom. So we talked. She had a rule which I didn't understand at the time. She didn't want to know my girl's name or share the girl who broke her heart identity. So I asked her if the ring looks good to propose with. She told me don't worry about the ring, if my girl loves me it shouldn't matter. She showed me her-

Sarah abruptly stopped talking and just stared.

SPENCE: Showed you what?

SJ: The ring that you proposed with.

**FLASHBACK FLASHBACK FLASHBACK **

KD: Spence, stop freaking.

Kyla was getting annoyed that I dragged her to the 8th jewelry store.

SPENCE: I can't help it Ky. This is Ashley I am buying for.

KD: WHAT IS IT ARE YOU LOOKING FOR?

Yikes, Kyla's patience is running low.

SPENCE: A ring?

KD: Are you asking me?

SPENCE: I don't know Kyla. She can buy anything she wants.

Kyla stopped walking.

KD: Ashley isn't picky whenever it comes to you. What is this really about? If I didn't know any better, I would of think you're planning on asking my sister to marry you.

I stayed quiet and Kyla's jaw dropped.

KD: Wow wow wow. That is just wow. Wow.

I think I just broke Kyla.

KD: Why didn't you tell me? I would not be annoyed that you dragged my ass to every jewelry store.

I let go a breath I didn't realize I was holding.

SPENCE: Guess I didn't want you to talk me out of it.

KD: Are you kidding me? Why would you think that?

She asked in a hurt tone.

SPENCE: I don't know. It's just that you are only person that could stop me.

Kyla looked shocked. I took a shaky breath.

SPENCE: You're Ashley's sister and my best friend so if you don't think this is a good idea, I would listen because your opinion matters the most.

That put a smile on her face.

KD: Ash and you are perfect for each other so I would not talk you out of it but Spence are you absolutely sure? Because I don't know how Ashley would handle if you are not.

Am I sure? Damnit Kyla for being smart. That is when I saw the ring. The little doubt I had disappeared. I grabbed Kyla's hand and ran to the jeweler.

JEWELER: Can I help you ma'am?

SPENCE: What can you tell me about this ring?

I pointed the ring out. I heard Kyla gasped beside me. The middle aged man unlock the case and pulled out the ring. My heart told me that this was the ring.

JEWELER: Well this is an unique ring. Crystal blue two karat diamond with sterling steel band.

SPENCE: How much is it?

I know it sounds too small but I know Ashley wouldn't care.

Jeweler: Seventy-five hundred dollars.

Kyla tried getting my attention but I ignored her.

SPENCE: Can you guys engrave something on it?

JEWELER: Sure but it will cost two hundred more.

KD: Excuse me but I know you are lying. Why does the sign in the case says five thousand dollars?

I didn't notice the sign. The guy was at the loss of words.

KD: You thought just because my friend was too focus on the ring that you could pull a fast one.

SPENCE: I would like to see your manager please.

The guy looked pale but ran to get somebody.

KD: Spencer Marie Carlin, next time I try to get your attention don't fucking ignore me.

She was pissed. I slightly smiled.

SPENCE: I am sorry but that is the perfect ring.

Kyla wasn't smiling and looked at the price.

KD:Do you need borrow some money?

OUCH.

SPENCE: No. I got this.

Kyla took a step back.

KD: I'm sorry I shouldn't ask that.

SPENCE: I just made a deal with mom. You better not tell Ash this or she will kill me.

Kyla frowned but held out her pinky. It is something between us whenever one of us does not want Ashley finding out something. We pinky swear.

SPENCE: Mom gave me ten thousand dollars if I go to nursing school.

KD: Oh you're dead. Why you didn't come to me?

SPENCE: Because it's the Davies money. I want to get my girlfriend something without using the Davies fund.

Kyla looked kind of proud. That when the manager came and Kyla turned into a diva. Well they deserved it. After a hour, I finally signed the engraving paper. The manager didn't put the cost of engraving to the total. So I paid half now and would pay the rest when I pick it up. The manager sensed that I wanted to hold it.

MANAGER: Here you can hold it for few minutes.

I gladly took it. I cannot believe what I am going to do on Ashley's twentieth birthday. What if she thinks this is a piece of shit ring and says no?

KD: Spence, stop thinking of whatever in your head. That ring is as perfect as you are to Ashley. She will love it.

Leave it to Kyla to put my doubts to rest.

**END OF FLASH BACK.**

I had to sit. It was too much.

SPENCE: I can't believe she kept it.

Tears filled Sarah's eyes and she ran out. FUCK MY LIFE. I know I should of follow but I don't want to. Damnit why did I say yes? I do love her but not like she deserves.

P: Oh boy. You are fucked.

SPENCE: Gee thanks mom for pointing it out.

P: Anytime.

I glared at her.

SPENCE: Mom, how bad is it?

She gave me a sad look.

P: Stage 3

That sucked the air out of the room. I looked down at the ring on my left hand. Seeing Ashley again made me realized I never really love Sarah like I should.

SPENCE: Do you think she um is going to beat this?

I'm trying to not cry. Mom could sense what I'm fighting the tears. She wrapped her arms around me and I literally fell apart.

P: Honey, you know the odds. Right now all I can do is treat Ashley the best I can.

SPENCE: But mom, this is not what supposed to happen.

My cell began to ring. I looked at my caller ID. OKLAHOMA is calling. Oh no!


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Hey, not sure where this story is going but I decided to use Maggie and Bianca from All my Children instead of Carmen and Shane because I know BAM better. OK sorry for the long wait, I actually wrote a chapter but I decided it wasn't right time to post. Anyways, I hope this chapter is uplifting. Oh and I am a quarter finish chapter for my other story. YAY me**

Ashley POV

Of course I ended up here. This place always give me peace. I walked along the shore, listening to the waves. Hard to believe I stayed away so long. While I am walking, I have noticed a little bald headed boy staring intensely towards me. He's tugging the dirty blonde's hand, trying to get her attention. It took a few minutes for him to get the woman's attention. Once he realized he got her attention, he pointed my way excitedly. The woman shook her head but the little boy nodded his head feverishly and kept pointing at me. She finally turned around and looked at my way. I could see that she was shocked. I guess I got a fan.

BOY: That's the girl that sings mommy's favorite song. Can I meet her can I?

This boy was too excited to notice I was near the pair.

WOMAN: Calm down, she's next to you.

That was when I noticed how pale this little boy is. His head has a big scar from ear to ear in the back. I held my gasp so I don't alarm the little boy. So much running through my mind. I see the boy turned and looked up with wide eyes. I kneeled down so I am at his level.

ASH: Hey little guy, I couldn't help but to notice that you recognized who I am. So I decided I'll come and officially introduce myself. My name is Ashley Davies. What's your name?

He looked up at the woman and she gave him a nod. He turned back towards me and gave me a familiar smile. I knocked the thought out of my head.

BOY: My name is Ashton but people call me A K.

ASH: What does the K stand for?

AK: Kayden is my middle name.

ASH: Well how about I call you K Man?

I see his eyes light up.

AK: Did you hear her auntie Maggie? She wants to call me K Man.

Maggie chuckled at Ashton's happiness. There's something familiar about this little boy I cannot seem to put my finger on it.

MAGS: Gee don't I have Dumbo ears?

I laughed which cause Maggie to laugh while Ashton looked confused.

AK: Yes you do auntie Maggie. It's no joke.

This little kid did THE frown. I abruptly stopped laughing. I am racking my brain to see if Paula had mentioned about Arthur having another child. Unless Glen has a lovechild that he doesn't know about. Clay well that's impossible considering he was adopted and black. Spencer, she wouldn't. Paula would have pictures up.

AK: Are you sick like me?

I was taken aback by the question. Maggie looked shocked but before she could say anything.

ASH: How did you know?

AK: Your eyes are half living, your skin is pale like mine and you are too skinny.

MAGS: I am sorry. Ashton thinks everybody that looks like him has cancer too.

My heart dropped.

ASH: In this case, you are right K Man.

He took my hand and look straight into my eyes.

AK: We rockstars gonna rock the cancer away.

Tears escaped. Tiny arms wrapped around my neck. He whispered something in my ear.

AK: The pretty angel says God isn't ready for you. Don't give up already.

With that, he did something only Kyla did to make me feel better. His tiny nose rub against my nose.

ASH: Thank you.

Maggie excused herself saying she needed to make a call. Ashton looks kind of worn out.

AK: What is it like to swim in the ocean?

I think before answering because clearly he was curious.

ASH: Well for me, it is like the best experience in the world. I am sharing the same water with all kinds of fish. When I was your age, I pretended to be Abriel from the little mermaīd.

His eyes looked sad.

AK: Can I ask you a favor?

For some reason I have a feeling I wasn't going like it büt I nodded.

AK: At my funeral, can you sing mommy's favorite?

ASH: You are not going anywhere K Man. So there won't be any funeral.

Tears running down his face. My heart literately shattered.

AK: Please?

His voice was so serious and desperate

ASH: Which song?

AK: My Love Is Like A Star but can you do it with just you and the guitar?

I quickly turned because he asked about the one song I refused to sing since the day Spencer tore my heart out. Fuck it, this little boy really needs this and if he wants me to sing then I will.

ASH: Care to explain why that song?

AK: When mommy leaves, she always sings that song to me. It helps me not to be sad when she's away. I don't want my mommy sad when I go with the pretty angel.

ASH: K Man, your mommy is always going to be sad but I promise you I will sing.

Another woman with long black hair was calling for Ashton. He quickly wiped his tears and put a smile on his pale face. He is wise beyond his years.

AK: Auntie Bianca, I'm here I'm here with Ashley Davies.

She had an odd expression on her face. I stood up and dust myself off. I noticed Bianca is about a foot taller than me.

ASH: Hi I am Ashley Davies.

BINX: Hey Ashley, I am Bianca Stone. You look more beautiful in person.

AK: AUNTIE BIANCA! You better not let auntie Maggie or mommy hear you saying that.

I raised my eyebrow at Bianca.

BINX: Maggie is my wife and his mommy is um your number one fan.

AK: And I am your number one and half fan.

I laughed.

ASH: Well I am glad to have you as my number one and half fan. Here's my number and if you or your aunties needs anything. Give me a call.

AK: Even mommy?

ASH: Even your mommy. Well it's nice meeting you guys but I gotta to meet someone.

BINX: Thank you.

By the look she was giving me. I knew what she was thanking me.

ASH: You're welcome.

I kneeled to Ashton's level.

ASH: OK K Man, I'll see you soon. Can I have a hug?

He gave me a bear hug.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Hey I know this is really short but I wanted to get this out before I go to Relay for Life. My team isCancer Freedom. **

**CHARLEE- I am sorry for getting you upset over Ashton. Believe me I am not fond writing about it but for a reason it is needed to be added. I think you're on to something. Ashton is going to play a part with Ash. **

**Noodles- Hey, I hope you feel better. Everything will come to light soon. **

Ashton POV

AK: Auntie Bianca, can we go back to the hotel? I'm sleepy.

Binks: Sure buddy, you had an interesting day.

A smile on both of our faces. I finally rode a plane. A real plane seriously. Not the one at the creepy playground from auntie Maggie's hospital. That place was scary. Everyday I saw kids covered with a white sheet laying on the bed thing. Auntie Maggie tri ed to cover my eyes but I knew where they went. To kiddy heaven. That was what my friend Orlando said before he went. He had the same kind of cancer that I have. It is in my brain. Long word that I can't pronounce. Aunties and mommy are trying to keep me alive but they don't understand that it is almost time for me to go. Even the pretty angel says so but God needs me to fill one more miracle before I can go and be with him. the pretty angel looked similar like Ashley Davies.

Binks: Do you need me to carry you?

She always asks before picking me up.

AK: Where's Auntie Maggie? And yes please.

I watched her quickly pushing some buttons on her phone and put it back in her pocket.

BINKS: I think she's getting late lunch ready at the hotel. I need you to try eating something before you nap.

AK: As long it is not the yucky green stuff from the hospital.

Auntie Bianca laughed and shook her head.

BINKS: Buddy, I promise it is not hospital food. Why didn't you say that you don't like the food?

I just shrugged. I yawned and she bended down to pick me up. If I walk, it would taken us longer. I love when Auntie Bianca asks me before doing things unlike the doctors and nurses. Just because I'm three, didn't give them the right to treat me like a baby. Auntie Bianca is only one that listens to me. Auntie Maggie is a doctor so she doesn't quite get it. Mommy hasn't visit that much so she doesn't know my body can't take it anymore. I miss my mommy. I don't know why she goes away alot. All I know she hearts me and I am her little rockstar.

AK: I miss mommy. I wish she is here.

Binks: I know buddy and she misses you too. You will see her soon I promise.

AK: Does she know we are not in the hospital anymore?

Binks: I think Maggie called her.

I see the hotel.

AK: Will you tell her about the pretty angel?

i felt Auntie Bianca squeezed alittle.

BINKS: I think you should be the one to tell your mommy. I can be there when you do, if you need me.

AK: I am scared to.

BINKS: Why?

AK: Because I don't want to make mommy cry.

BINKS: Buddy, don't be scared about that. She needs to hear it from you and you won't be alone.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Sorry guys, I had wrote this chapter probably 7 times and still feel blah about this. I think it's because my mind is on my mom which I'm having real hard time to write anything good. Go easy on this chapter, I know it sucks and grammar probably worst. I'm sorry for leaving you all waiting.**

Sarah POV

I can't believe this. Spencer didn't even try to follow. Surprising I am not that upset. Well Spencer was never mine to begin with. She always zoned out when we go out and she had this 'no sex before marriage' rule. Which was OK with me because I thought she was a virgin. I think she lied or let me to believe it because I saw her ex girlfriend. I highly doubt that Spencer kept her hands off of Ashley. I walked into the employee room and saw Spencer talking on the phone with her back facing me.

SPENCE: Tell him I heart him. Look I am not giving up ańd you shouldn't either.

Who the fuck was my soon to be ex fiancee talking to on her cell? It was bad enough finding out that Ashley Davies' great love is Spencer frigging Carlin, and now this. I crept up behind the lying blonde. Waited until she hung up before placing my hand on her shoulder, forgetting the one warning she constantly told me about. Never sneak up on her or I would get knock on my ass. True to her warning, her right elbow slammed hard in my gut. For a blonde, she got some force. She turned with her fist ready to attack. Once she registers it was me, she calmed down.

SPENCE: Oh god, Sar I am so sorry.

She quickly came down on the floor where I was holding my stomach.

SJ: It was my fault. I shouldn't have done that.

Her eyes were blood shot red. I can't say I didn't know why. I would be the same if I found out about my first love had cancer.

SPENCE: I should of turned before throwing elbows. I'm sorry. Let me help you up.

SJ: Give me a minute please. Now I know that nobody would rape you.

Something flashed in her eyes like she was painfully remembering something. I totally forgot what it felt like, having the wind knocked out of me. Spencer's phone went off. She looked at the caller's ID. She visually turned pale. She tried getting up but I stopped her and took her phone from her.

SJ: Hello.

?: Hi, you're not mommy. Put my mommy on the phone.

What the flying fuck? A little boy called Spencer's phone looking for his mommy.

SJ: What is your name?

?: Ashton Kayden Carlin. What is yours?

My heart dropped to my stomach. Did he just said? I turned and look into those blue eyes that held so many secrets. Yes they confirmed what I was thinking.

SJ: Well my name is Sarah. I'm your mommy's friend. I'll give her the phone.

AK: Thank you Miss Sarah.

His voice sounded tired. Spencer looked like she wanted to run.

SJ: You are welcome Mr. Ashton.

I quickly handed the blonde her phone. I got up and studied Spencer.

Spencer POV

Damnit. Sarah looked really frustrated. I can't deal with her while my son was on the phone. I seriously dug my grave. I know that a lot people would be pissed at me but I did what was best for my son. My big brother Glen told me that he nor rest of family would never accept the baby. That was why he ran to god knows where. Now I know family did not matter to him, if he left when I really needed him themost. Besides Bianca and Maggie, he knew what happened to me and ran.

SPENCE: Hey my little rockstar.

I stared at Sarah as much intensity as she staring at me.

AK: Hey mommy. Guess what?

SPENCE: What?

I tried match his excitement but having the woman I was engaged to, listening to every word I say. I was royally fucked.

AK: I rode on a plane. A big plane.

Ashton's voice was full of excitement but also sounded like he was fighting sleep.

SPENCE: No way! You can tell me about it when you wake up.

AK: But mommy, I can't sleep without the song.

FML! Guessing the girls didn't pack the CD that I made him.

SPENCE: Are you in bed?

AK: Yes mommy. Are you going to sing?

SPENCE: Yes baby. Close your eyes.

I waited few seconds. I looked away from Sarah's eyes. I couldn't sing the one song while looking at her. The song Ashley wrote for me just before leaving on her first tour.

SPENCE: My love is like a star, you can't always see me. But you know that I'm always there. When you see one shining. Take it as mine. And remember I'm always near. If you see a comet. Baby I'm on it. Making my way back home. Just follow the glow. It won't be long. Just know you're not alone.

I quickly wiped my eyes. I listened to Ashton's breathing to know he was asleep. I hung up and waited a few minutes.

SJ: So how old is your little rockstar?

Her voice was laced with anger.

SPENCE: Three years and two months.

I faced her.

SJ: You cheated on Ashley? Is that why you broke up with her?

I could feel the tears forming.

SPENCE: Hell no!

SJ: You got no right to be mad at me. You are the one whose keeping the fucking secrets. You have a son that I didn't know about!

She was right.

SPENCE: Look I love Ashley way too much to cheat on her. OK? The reason why I broke up with her was because I took a pregnancy test right before my best friend's funeral.

SJ: You mean loved right? Why break up with Ashley if you didn't cheat on her? How did you get pregnant? Why doesn't your family mention Ashton?

Her voice turned hurt. I didn't want to hurt Sarah but couldn't lie to her.

SPENCE: The love Ashley and I had never really disappear. Because only Glen knows and as you can see he is not around. It is really complicated and I rather explain this once which I know my parents are going to kill me.

SJ: OK. Why did you say yes to me then?

She was in tears and I did this to her.

SPENCE: Because you were the first person since Ash that I felt safe with and I love you.

Sarah backed up a bit and sat on the table.

SJ: Not what I wanted to hear from the woman I'm in love with.

SPENCE: Sarah before today, I really thought I'm in love with you but when I saw Ashley in mom's office the feelings came back full force and I realized that the way I felt for her, I should of be feeling for you.

Sarah's eyes were fixed on the ring.

SJ: Funny thing that you were never mine to begin with but I thought I would give it a try and you never back down but now I know I was just a safe choice and I don't really know you at all.

I couldn't stop my tears from falling.

SPENCE: I never lied to you.

SJ: But you never tell me anything about your past. A son really? A hot ex who happens to be Ashley Davies. Come on Spencer, if this was me you wouldn't give me the time of day to explain.

Shit shit shit.

SPENCE: Four years ago, something happened to me that I only told three people. My oldest brother was one of them. He made me feel like the rest of the family would be like him and won't give a fuck about me. So I did what I thought was the best for the sake of my son.

Dead silence filled the room and Sarah just looked at me.

SJ: Were you um attacked?

I could see she already placing the pieces together in her head.

SPENCE: I rather to cheat than being raped by Ashley's manager.

Sarah's eyes were wide as saucers.


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: I'm extremely sorry for taking so long to update my stories. I have writer's block plus what has been going on in my life. I can't say I'm back or when I'll update again. But I promise I will finish. If you read I'm just me nothing special. As soon as my best friend finish proofreading it will be up sometime Tuesday or Wednesday**

Ashley Pov

I had been laying in bed, staring at baby blue ceiling for a few hours. Something that Ethan had asked me weirded me out. He had the balls to think I would go thru his porn collection and stole a private DVD. That is just gross on so many levels but the thing that got me thinking he was so angry that some DVD magically vanished. The look in his eyes were ice cold. I don't have time to worry about what he does on his own time.

I have far more too important things to worry about. I just found out that I got Colorectal Cancer. From what I know, it usually happens in older people and I am definitely too young to have it.

Hell what am I talking about? Ashton is way too young to have cancer but yet he is probably ten times mentally stronger than me. Something about him seems so familiar but I am not really certain that I was thinking straight. You know what I meant. He has Spencer's ocean blue eyes. That doesn't mean anything. Does it? Why do I even torture myself. Oh maybe because the kid asked me to sing the one song that I haven't sung live since my life went to hell.

It had been four years, about fourteen hundred days since I buried my baby sister and haven't visited since. It was my fucked up fault. I shouldn't went to the bar nor danced with a Los Loca's gang member nor leading her to the bathroom. Unfortunately, Aiden and Kyla showed up before we had done anything.

I'm grateful for them stopping it but Carmen wasn't happy. Her gang waited for us to get on the road. Aiden was driving with Kyla in the passenger's seat. I was in the back. Kyla was furious how I nearly cheat on Spencer. I noticed we were surrounded by black hummers and told Kyla to shut up. Then I saw it. Before I could scream, ten bullets were shot by the woman I nearly cheat with. I saw blood sprayed out my best friend's head before Kyla's body wasn't moving. Somehow I managed to jumped onto Aiden's lifeless body and kicked his foot off of the gas and pulled over. Still today I don't know how I wasn't shot. It should of be me instead of my baby sister and best friend.

I heard someone knocking on my door. I hoped whoever it is, got the point and get lost. No such luck because I heard my door open and shut. Great whoever it was got a key.

?: Ash, are you here?

ASH: NO I AM NOT.

I heard her footsteps coming closer.

?: Right! Care to explain why I got a contract from the doucebag on my desk?

Shit I forgot to call Madison and explain.

ASH: I needed to.

She stepped in my bedroom. Once she saw I had been crying, she jumped on my bed and hug me łightly.

MD: What happened Chica?

ASH: Stage 3 Colorectal cancer happened.

MD: What? How? You are young.

I laughed bitterly.

ASH: I'm not that young apparently.

MD: Get a second opinion. Who knows Dr. Carlin might be lying.

I pulled away.

ASH: No. She wouldn't be lying about something as serious like this!

Madison took awhile to digest the news.

MD: How bad is it?

That is a loaded question.

ASH: Pretty bad Mads. I need to think about a will.

Tears were running down her face.

MD: Oh hell no! You are not going to die Davies!

ASH: Mads, if you can't do my will I'll find a lawyer that will. I have CANCER that kills. I am practically dead now.

Madison gotten out of my bed.

MD: I CAN NOT BELIEVE THAT YOU JUST SAID THAT TO ME!

ASH: I'm sorry. That came out wrong. Mads, you know I wouldn't even think about getting another lawyer that could handle this sort of thing if you and I were just a lawyer and client but we're not. We were enemies then frienemies then somehow best friends. I don't want you watch me to die.

MD: Then go find something to live FOR! Because this is fucking rich. You rather die. Before you deny it, think real hard about past four years.

ASH: You don't understand.

MD: Oh I do understand, you ran away every time things get tough. And the one time Spencer didn't come after you or have someone come after you doesn't seem weird to you. I bet that you don't know the real reason why Spencer's a nurse or why she even broke up with you.

ASH: GO TO HELL.

MD: Kyla is gonna haunt my ass for this but fuck it. When you decided to almost fuck a hoe because you were pissed off at Spence because she got accepted in the best nursing school. What you don't know is why.

ASH:SHUT THE FUCK UP. YOU DON'T KNOW SHIT!

MD: Yes I fucking do! Spence is a nurse because of you.

I got out of the bed and got into Madison's face.

ASH: YOU BETTER SHUT UP!

MD: Where did Spencer get the money for the ring around your fucking neck?

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes.

ASH: Kyla said she loaned Spencer the money.

Madison must of found it really funny because she's fucking laughing.

MD: Ash, why would you even believe that Spencer would use any Davies' money for an engagement ring for you? Specially when she refuse to use any your money.

My eyes flew open.

ASH: I don't know Mads. I just assumed because Kyla said she loaned the money to Spencer.

I have a feeling my sis had lied. I can't believe I didn't give it any more thought.

MD: When you guys began to fight?

ASH: Few days after she proposed, she told me she was looking into nursing. I was so frustrated because I knew she wanted to do something in film.

MD: Have you ever asked why? Or just blow up?

I look back to those times.

ASH: It doesn't matter anymore.

MD: Chica, we both know it does.

ASH: Why are you bringing this up?

MD: Because YOU haven't moved on. Look if your sister was here she would tell you, make Spencer to explain then either move the fuck on or kiss the hell outta her.

ASH: Well thanks to me, my sister is dead and Spencer has moved on. So it does not matter.

MD: You know what happened to Kyla and Aiden isn't your fault and nobody blames you.

ASH: Right!

Madison lets out a resign sigh. She knows when it's time to change the subject.

MD: Explain why Patrick Prick's office faxed me a contract about ten interviews for your evil queen's so called news company.

ASH: Long story short. While I was receiving my diagnosis, Spencer came busting in ready to give Paula hell.

Madison's eyes nearly popped out.

ASH: God she is still as beautiful from the first time I saved her from you and your minions. Anyway her fiancee didn't like what she saw between us and you can figure out the rest.

MD: Wow. Can I redo the contract and send it back? You forgot something.

I looked at her confused.

MD: By that look, you don't know what I am talking about. Everything in the contract seems to be legit but one tiny detail is missing.

ASH: What is it?

Madison pulled out two contracts. Set them side by side.

MD: Well Ms. Davies as you can see there are two contracts. One from Mrs. Woods' lawyer and one which I took the liberty to drawn it up. There was a loop hole left wide open. In this contract, Mrs. Woods has the right to choose whoever the interviewer can be plus all the profits go to her. Something didn't sit right with me so I drew up a contract with addition of you must agree on whom the interviewer would be and forty-five percent goes to a charity of your choice.

I quickly looked over the contract and gave Madison a small smile.

ASH: I totally forgot about it. I'm glad you caught it or Christine would pick someone who I hate.

MD: Well it is my job to catch. Speaking of job, I'm taking another client on. So try to stay out of trouble.

ASH: But I thought you are not taking more clients until you have decided where you want to stay.

Madison became uncomfortable.

MD: Well I need to venture out from being Ashley Davies' lawyer.


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Oh boy. How many of you are mad at me? I'm sorry. I'm having a rough year. This is the first half of chapter 11. I decided cut into 2 because hopefully by Saturday I'll update. Keep it in mind, this is not edited. This story is raw because its my way of dealing with stuff. So for those fans who says try fixing my grammar, I appreciate it but like I said in like Chapter 3 I decided to just write it for myself.**

Spencer POV

After I asked Sarah to keep what I told her between us, I left. Yes I know my family needed to know about everything and my son deserved to meet them but I needed to figure out how to tell Ashley. Only god knows how much I wished that I told her four years ago. I turned to the familiar place I always go to. Before I could walk to where I was heading, my phone begun to ring. It is an unfamiliar number.

SPENCE: Hello? ? Hey Heartbreaker.

Damnit why is she calling me?

SPENCE: It had been awhile. What do you want? If you calling me for Glen again, forget it. I don't give a shit what he has to say.

? Look I don't know what happened to make you a hateful bitch but this is not about him.

SPENCE: Ask him and you will understand why I am like this. Look Madison just tell me what is it that you're calling me for.

MD: I found a DVD you should see before I take it to Ashley. Her voice sounded disgusted.

SPENCE: OK why not show a movie to Ashley?

MD: For one, it has your name written on it.

My heart beat rapidly.

MD: And for two, I found it in Ashley's manager's porn collection. Before you ask, no I didn't watch it.

SPENCE: What ever you do, don't tell anyone about it until I see what's on that DVD.

MD: I don't feel comfortable keeping this from Ashley.

SPENCE: Please wait until I see what is on it.

I was literately panicking.

MD: I will wait until BOTH of us watch this.

SPENCE: What are my chances watching the DVD alone?

MD: Are you crying? Do you know what is going to be on this DVD?

I quickly wiped my eyes.

SPENCE: I got an idea but I can't tell you over the phone. Are you in California?

MD: Yes I am in California. When do you want to meet? I expect the whole true or I'll go to Ashley. Got it?

SPENCE: How about tomorrow where ever you are staying? I need to see what's on DVD before we bring the police in.

MD: Whoa what?

SPENCE: You heard me. Look I promise you if it is what I am thinking. I have proof now and maybe I'm strong enough to tell.

MD: Spencer, I am guessing you're hiring me so I can't tell people whatever you say to me.

SPENCE: How much do you charge?

MD: First, I'll need the type of case then I base it on your income.

SPENCE: Will you be able wait until we talk before all that stuff?

MD: As long that you answer one question for me right now. Your parents' divorce or Kyla and Aiden's deaths played no part of you breaking Ashley's heart. Am I right?

Lie lie lie. JUST SAY NO YOU'RE WRONG.

SPENCE: Yes you are right. We will talk. Mads. can you go and check on Ash please?

MD: Why? What did you do to her?

SPENCE: She just needs someone OK. Look I know I am the last person that she would want to be around but I am seriously worried about her.

MD: Where was this concern four years ago? She needed you! You fucking broke Ashley's heart on the day of KYLA'S Funeral!

SPENCE: You'll get your answers tomorrow. For the fucking record, I crushed my heart too. Just ask my sorry excuse of brother, he knows.

MD: Do not talk about Glen like that. He had been there for Ashley pass four years while you didn't!

SPENCE: WHAT THE FUCK? YOU GOT TO BE KIDDING ME! TELL THE ASSHOLE THAT THE REASON HE RAN, MAY BE DEAD REAL SOON.

Tears were falling.

MD: WAIT! The reason?

SPENCE: Tomorrow everything will come to light. Text me the address.

MD: OK. See you tomorrow at eleven.

She hanged up before I said good-bye.

SPENCE:DAMNIT, GOD IF YOU ARE REAL, TAKE MY LIFE INSTEAD!

Onlookers were staring. I just walked along the shore, tears running down my face. Realization struck. I had been lying to everybody who loves me. Hell my family is going to fucking kill me. I seriously wish I handled things different but I can't say I regret it. I did what I thought was the best for my son.

Ashton was a healthy 7lb 10 ounces baby boy up until he turned 26 months. He was complaining about headaches more and more. From what Bianca and Maggie told me, one weekend changed all of our lives, I went to stay in Oklahoma like usual but I noticed Ashton was not the same boy I saw on the previous weekend. He was looking sick and not like himself. I still remembered the day when he woke up screaming bloody blue murder about his brain getting squeezed and it hurts bad.

I just knew I had to take him to ER. Fortunately Maggie was working that night, so we didn't even have to wait. At first, she thought I was crazy but I just couldn't see my son in severe pain. Then the tests came back. That Ashton had a tumor in his head. It was the size of a golf ball. My stomach dropped.

I fell down at the spot where Ashley and I had our first kiss. I start to cry. I don't know how long I had been there.

?:Spence?

I quickly stopped.

SPENCE:What are you doing here?

I know that voice.

?:I heard about Ashley and decided to come.

For some reason that drove a knife deeper in my heart.

SPENCE:Then go be a fucking big brother to her.

I turned around and look at Glen.

GLEN:Not until you let me to explain.

I shook my head.

SPENCE:Fuck you were supposed to be there for me. It's all fucked up.

He tried step closer.

GLEN:Please hear me out.

SPENCE:NO! IF YOU CARED, YOU WOULD OF BEEN THERE FOR ME. Go to Ash. I don't need you.

GLEN:I know you didn't abort. I wish you had.

SPENCE:Shut the FUCK UP SON OF A BITCH. YOU ARE A FUCKING PUSSY.

GLEN:He's dying Spencer. Atleast it would of cause you less pain if you aborted the bastard four years ago!

That was it. I saw red. I got up and stormed up to somebody that I once loved and punched his left jaw with all my strength. it knocked Glen onto the ground, wincing.

SPENCE:Don't ever call my son that again or I'll kill you. He's more of a man than you are. Don't even talk about him.

Glen's eyes full of fear.

GLEN:I'm sorry. When Ashley told me about meeting a little sick boy, thinking he was mine. I just knew he was yours. I just knew who it was.

SPENCE: Don't say you're fucking sorry. You think coming here would be perfect now you know that my brave son is dying! You are dead to me & my son will never know that his uncle wants him dead because he needs to believe his uncle Glen will love him. As for Ashley, if you even care for me. Make sure she's OK. I can deal with her hating me.

For once, Glen looks guilty. Looking passed me.

ASH: So he is yours.


	12. Chapter 12

_**Read the previous Chapter first. I added to it because It made a bit more sense to go this way.**_

Spencer's POV

I quickly turned and seen Ashley and Madison.

SPENCE: I'm sorry I can't do this. Just keep hating me.

I took off. Madison ran after me.

MD: Girl, stop.

Spence: No. I can't do it.

MD: Do what? Face Ashley?

Spence: I just can't.

I slowed down so has Madison.

MD: You knocked your brother out. What is going on?

Spence: He knew I was

I stopped.

MD: You were cheating?

SPENCE: Yeah sure I was cheating on the love of my life. That is easy for Ashley to deal.

MD: Stop lying Carlin! What is the truth? SPENCE: On the night of the club incident, my life had been destroyed for a very different reason. Only my fucking bro knew about it. Instead being a brother to me, he ran.

MD: Spencer, I'm so confused. What happened to you that made you this way?

SPENCE: My son is dying. It doesn't matter what's on that DVD. Keep Glen away from me.

I tried to walk away but Madison grabbed my wrist.

MD: Tell me Ethan is not the one then I'll believe you.

SPENCE: Let me go.

I must of sounded threatening because she let go. Looking at me with her eyes full of sorrow and anger.

MD: Now it all makes sense. The only time that you didn't run after Ashley, I should of force you talk to me instead thinking the worse of you.

SPENCE: Do me a favor. Be there for Ash. She needs to focus on the good. There's nothing good with me.

MD: Carlin, don't say that-

SPENCE: Madison, Ashley doesn't need my shit and you know for a fact she will put everything off if she knows. I don't want to lose another one to cancer.

MD: You think by having Ashley thinking that you cheated is the way to go?

SPENCE: For now yes. She needs to hate me like I hate myself. MD: I'm showing her the DVD then.

SPENCE: NO! She can't see that.

MD: Then have the courage to tell people about your son. By the way, Ashton sounds like a brave little boy according to Ashley.

SPENCE: How did she meet him?

I'm going to kill Maggie and Bianca.

ASH: I met K man earlier today while walking on the beach.

I turned to see Ashley about few feet. I felt the panic attack coming on. I wanted to run but I couldn't.

ASH: He recognizes who I was and tried telling I think Maggie was her name to look. I thought it was a bit cute a little boy was excited to see me. So yea I went over. I didn't know anyone that young so mature but now it all makes sense.

MD: Ash, you should rest. You are going to need your strength for tomorrow.

I tried to walk away.

ASH: NO! Spencer needs to fucking explain herself.

SPENCE: Nothing I can say will make this better.

ASH: Why were you having your legs spred open?

MD: Ash this definitely not the place.

SPENCE: Know what? I don't need you saying that to me. Yes I had a baby. YES I KEPT HIM A SECRET. UNDER NO TERMS, I WAS A SLUT! I went through a period of blaming you for this. I'm not you, forget about your fiance and almost cheat! You want to believe I cheated on you, think real fucking hard before calling me a slut!

I turned away and fucking see Glen.

SPENCE: Go be a great brother to my ex and keep acting like you don't know shit. You are dead to me and my son. Hope you fucking proud of yourself.

I took off running.


	13. Authors note don't kill me

_**Hey guys I absolute hate Author's notes so I tried not doing them. I think i owe you fans an explanation. Frankly writing is last on my list. Before y'all getting disappointed, no I'm not giving up I'm just me nothing special and Fight to live.**_

_**My mom is going through a lot. She has been battling cancer over 9 years & right now it coming to a time that she is going to be meeting the big guy upstairs. My creativeness isn't there. I'm not going to write something that doesn't go with the stories. I'm really sorry but I just have been a emotional wreck. **_

_**Thank you for liking the stories so far. I'll try work on them soon but I can't promise when.**_


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